Is It Possible To Be Truly Kind?

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Ephesians 4:31,32 (NIV)

I cannot recall how many times I've been told how "nice" I am. Or when I was younger, "you're too sweet." I know that I've heard it enough that I believed it and it grew into pride. Thinking of it now seems a bit ridiculous, but seriously - I really have an issue with it. I work with much ambition to be seen as nice and kind. I work at being nice and kind. Imagine my shock to heart that some of my kindness is fake!

Many years ago a woman from Calvary Fellowship Seattle gave me this small booklet with a yellow jacket. The title was, "How To Be Free From Bitterness." Truly it was a work God was doing even then, though I scoffed at the title and tucked it away on my bookshelf. It is also safe to say that I don't know how many times I have read that book and how many times God has peeled back the layers of my heart to show me just how bitter I really was/am.

Again, the contents of this book recently came at me. It was handed to me on a c.d. zipped in a media file. It was part of our homework during a break from a weekly woman's Bible study at Calvary Fellowship Seattle (which is now located in Mountlake Terrace, Wa). I thought, oh this will be easy. I've already read this - a no brainer. Perhaps not much work for my brain, yet the intent (still to this day) is the work to be done in my heart.

Today I finally listened to the c.d. and it was then that I heard Mr. Wilson read Ephesians 4:31,32 and then say, "if you are carrying around bitterness or the like - you cannot be kind." If you don't get rid of the bitterness the kindness that you try to display is only fake kindness. That is what my heart was hearing from God. What?! Fake? So my interior was jumbled and I was beginning to get all heated and then I realized it was really, so very true. What I "work" so hard at shouldn't be so hard. It shouldn't be work at all.

22But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. (Galatians 5)

If I am filled with the fruit of the Spirit and not my anger, bitterness, malice, hatred, etc. then I would show real kindness. Not some synthetic self-manufactured lame replica. My heart is heavy as I write this. I need to really get rid of my bitterness. I was just expressing to a friend over the phone today that I am so tired of being mediocre in my life as a Christian. Here, God answers my weariness with the answer to life in the fullest! I confess my iniquity; I am troubled by my sin (Psalm 38), Lord help me to get rid of all my bitterness, rage and anger so that I can truly love you and others. Help me O, Lord. I really am tired of living a mediocre life.

13 He who conceals his sins does not prosper,
but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.

14 Blessed is the man who always fears the LORD,
but he who hardens his heart falls into trouble. (Proverbs 28)

Another comment Mr. Wilson makes is that most of our bitterness comes from our accusations of sin that never really happened, we just have circumstantial evidence that seems to prove it happened. This could be our own imagining that some one has done or said something. We rework/replay it over and over again in our minds, all the while our hears are growing more and more rancid, rotten, vile and bitter.

Even if I was hurt by someone else's sin, then what? God says to love our enemies - we cannot love and hate (or be bitter) at the same time. If we are bitter it is because we choose to be bitter! We continue to see ourselves as innocent and we refuse to see our hearts condition as being sinful! Then again I sense my heart is being asked, "If someone sins and never apologizes to me - is it worth if for me to spend my whole life bitter because of it?"

The bottling up of my bitterness and anger over the years has caused some self-induced trauma. I am riddled by anxiety and frustration. I blow a "fuse" at the drop of a hat. Just like a volcano - which is how I jokingly describe my "condition" to others. I am so relieved that I can really be healed of this. I am not trying to say that all my anxiety & frustration is stemmed from this -nor am I trying to say that all physical pains and illnesses are caused by it- I am just saying I can see that MOST of mine definitely comes from my hearts inability in forgiveness towards others. I feel like this very moment is one of those "light bulb goes on" moments for me.

Mr. Wilson also gave the following example:

Amy Carmichael has a note in her little book If . "For a cup brimful of sweet water cannot spill even one drop of bitter water, however suddenly jolted. " If it is full of sweet water and is jolted, what will come out of the cup? Sweet water. If you gave it a harder jolt, what's going to happen? More sweet water. If someone is filled with sweet water and someone else gives him a jolt, what will come out? Sweet water. Jolts do not turn sweet water into bitter water. That is done by something else.

Jolts only bring out of the container what's already in the container. If you're filled with sweetness and light, and you get jolted, you're going to spill sweetness and light. If you're filled with honey, the honey will come out. If vinegar comes out, what does that prove? It shows what was already in the container. In other words, much bitterness is not based upon what the other person did at all. It is the result of what we do and are.

I have spent nearly everyday blaming the jolts and or the jolter. Never have I taken the real close up look at my heart to see that my heart was filled with junk and spilling junk every time it was bumped. 44Each tree is recognized by its own fruit. People do not pick figs from thornbushes, or grapes from briers. 45The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks. (Luke 6)

How do we get rid of bitterness? The only way to get rid of it is to confess it. If you are at all like me and have been blaming the "jolter and the jolts" all your days - join me in getting rid of all bitterness! Take time, right now, and just let God help you to get rid of it. Sharing it or expressing it to/towards others won't get rid of it. Only God can cleanse your heart. If you really feel like you need to confront some concerning why you are bitter - make sure you have no bitterness in your heart when you confess it to them. It will serve you no good to really let someone have it under the guise of "confessing and seeking forgiveness". Because if there is still bitterness in your heart - then you really are not confessing to the person(s).

To know if there is a remnant of bitterness in your heart: do you still have all the details in your mind about what was said/done and how/when? If you have any of those descriptive details and you still think "just look at what he/she/they did!" - yup, still bitterness inside. Get rid of it! Lord, help us to not harbor resentfulness that breeds bitterness. Help us to forgive others and confess our own sin. Help us to truly love, teach us to love that we may glorify you with our lives!

13Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. 14But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. 15Such "wisdom" does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. (James 3)

Interested in reading more by Jim Wilson?
How To Be Free From Bitterness
Roots By the River

In Christ,
Elizabeth